L I F E

I don't know where to start, where to leave and start over, all over again. This feeling is empty. An excruciating pain that leaving me numb and anesthetized by the overflowing emotion. Tears flowing down my face on every sleepless night. Why am I here, placed in such agony? Your images scattered all our the thought and I couldn't help but remembering. Forgetting couldn't be this torturous and never this hard. 

Freedom is all I have until what I feel is a severe loneliness tormenting my soul, brought me down hitting rock bottom. I am broken, imperfect, damaged and torn. Is this world even true to myself? Where am I going? I am lost, between the road, I am clueless. Sitting in a corner, alone and lonely witnessing what had happened, silently screaming and burst out howling.

This pain is for myself, a consequence of choices. And now my life is fragmented and flawed, the scars won't leave and healing would drag me to another part of throbbing journey. How can I make use of this sorrow? Pulling something good out of sadness? Continue living with broken pieces, pretending to be strong and keep ignoring the fact of life.

If staying strong was the only option, I refuse to be strong. If loneliness was the consequence I have to face, I carry on in denial.

-Kamal Effendi

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I love his writing! Especially on this one. He really did explains everything that I couldn't. Indeed, i couldn't find any words to describe what i'm feeling right now, until i found this. Maybe not all of it, but at least 90% of what's inside me was all written in that beautiful post from this young gentleman. :')

Hmmm.. Life's hard though. Must keep going. Chin up and smile to the sun. :D

Warkah

Hanya sampai di sini sahaja

Kisah cinta kita berdua

Tiada daya selamanya

Terhenti di sini

Biar ku pujuk hati ini

Merawat rinduku sendiri

Setelah aku kau lukai

Sedangkan kau tahu

Kasih aku hanyalah untukmu

Tiada lain dalam diriku

Takkan berubah

walau dipisah laut biru

Cinta aku hanyalah untukmu

Tak pernah goyah, tak pernah jemu

Takkan terpadam dalam hatiku

Ia milikmu, percayalah

Mungkin sudah suratan kita

Terpisah sebegini saja

Pasti di satu hari nanti

Ku jejak bahgia

Kasih aku hanyalah untukmu

Tiada lain dalam diriku

Takkan berubah

walau dipisah laut biru

Cinta aku hanyalah untukmu

Tak pernah goyah, tak pernah jemu

Takkan terpadam dalam hatiku

Ia milikmu, percayalah

Mungkin sudah suratan kita

Terpisah sebegini saja

Pasti di satu hari nanti

Ku jejak bahgia

- Lara Lagi by Adira.

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Lama tak update blog tiba-tiba post entry macam ni kan. Haha. Suka hati gua la. Gua punya blog. Tiba-tiba tadi layan Ombak Rindu. Tiba-tiba terminat lagu ni bila dia asyik ulang2 je pasang masa part Aaron Aziz. Lol okay takde kaitan dengan Aaron pun sebenarnya. 

Ah, lara lagi.........

Ok bye nak log out. (curi masa je ni)

Motivation.

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Be strong now, because things will get better.

It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

Resepi : Pavlova

Untuk pengetahuan semua, aku ambil masa yang sangaaaattt lama untuk start projek baking pavlova ni. Buat research sana sini. Ceh macam student PhD pun ada. Lol. Yelah, buat pavlova ni memang la nampak senang, tapi banyak pantang larang kena jaga ohh. Sangat memerlukan kesabaran dan ketekunan. Tapi bahan2 dia memang simple habis. Paling-paling pun korang kena keluarkan duit lebih sikit untuk beli whipping cream dia and buah2 untuk letak atas tu.

Aku refer banyak gile blog untuk mendapatkan pavlova yang terbaik. Bila baca orang komen, kadang cuak jugak. Ada yang tak jadi, telur tak kembang, pavlova mendap, hancur bla3. Sebab tu kena research lebih sikit. Dan akhirnya aku pun tekad untuk refer resepi daripada Salam Dua Benua dan Cahaya Cintaku . Ada beberapa lagi blog yang aku refer, tapi tak ingat dah mana. Huhu minta halal ye semua. Okay enough  membebel. Jom check resepiii! (copy paste je)

Pavlova:
- 4 large eggs, separated (ambil putih telur je)
-3/4 cup caster sugar (gula halus)
-1/2 tbsp cornflour
-1 teaspoon (sudu kecil) white vinegar (cuka yang biasa tu)
-1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping:

- 1 cup (240 ml) non dairy whipping cream

- 1 tablespoons caster sugar (adjust ikut sedap rasa)

- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

- Fresh fruits - kiwi, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, passion fruit, peaches, pineapple, or other fruit of your choice

Itu je bahan-bahan dia. Nak buat pavlova ni ada pantang larang, antaranya :

1) Telur mestilah in room temperature. Takmau yang sejuk from peti ais tu. 

2) Pastikan masa korang asingkan telur putih and kuning tu, segala peralatan mangkuk ke spatula or anything, kering tanpa setitik pun air. Kalau ada setitik pun air, nanti masa pukul telur, telur taknak kembang. Sama jugak masa nak pukul whipping cream.

3) Masa asingkan telur, pastikan takde kuning telur yang masuk dalam putih telur tadi. Kalau tak, tak menjadilah pavlova anda ye. Hehe

4) Pastikan whipping cream yang digunakan adalah jenis non dairy. Aku guna jenama Rich's. Dan pastikan cream tu betul-betul sejuk sebelum nak pukul. Kalau boleh mixing bowl pun sejukkan sekejap dalam freezer.

Okay itu antara tips-tips yang WAJIB dipatuhi kalau korang taknak korang punya pavlova hancuss. Baiklah, mari move on kepada cara-cara memasaknya.

Pavlova

- Preheat oven to 150 degrees C for 15 minutes. (guna api bawah)

- Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and draw a 7 inch (18 cm) circle on the paper. Turn the parchment paper over so the circle is on the reverse side.

(Don't forget to place rack in center of oven)

- In the bowl of your electric mixer, with the whisk attachment, beat the egg whites on medium speed until they hold soft peaks. (dah kembang tapi still soft and berbuih2 macam tu)

- Start adding the sugar, a tablespoon at a time, and continue to beat, on high speed, until the meringue holds very stiff and shiny peaks.(test guna jari nak tengok gula dah fully dissolved or not) The meringue should feel smooth, not gritty. If it feels gritty the sugar has not fully dissolved so keep beating until it feels smooth between your fingers). Beat in the vanilla extract.

- Sprinkle the vinegar and cornstarch over the top of the meringue and, with a rubber spatula, gently fold in. Spread the meringue inside the circle drawn on the parchment paper, smoothing the edges, making sure the edges of the meringue are slightly higher than the center. (You want a slight well in the center of the meringue to place the whipped cream and fruit.)

- Bake for 50 minute to 1 hour (depending on the oven) or until the outside is dry and is a very pale cream color. (guna api atas bawah)

- Turn the oven off, leave the door slightly ajar, and let the meringue cool completely in the oven. (The outside of the meringue will feel firm to the touch, if gently pressed, but as it cools you will get a little cracking and you will see that the inside is soft and marshmallowy.) 

For whipping cream:

-Whip the cream in your electric mixer, with the whisk attachment, until soft peaks form. Sweeten with the sugar and vanilla and then mound the softly whipped cream into the center of the meringue. Arrange the fruit randomly, or in a decorative pattern, on top of the cream. Serve immediately as this dessert does not hold for more than a few hours.

So amacam? Pening nak baca? Hahah kalau pening nak baca, just klik dekat  link blog yang aku bagi kat atas tadi. Diorang tunjuk step by step punya untuk amateur macam kita. Muehehe. Dan ini adalah gambar2 pavlova saya!

Ini sebelum bakar. 

Tepi tu adjust dan ratakan guna pisau butter supaya dia tak crack lepas bakar.

Ini after bakar dan sudah siap dihias! Hehe. Still ada crack sikit.

Berat sangat kot buah2 tu

Nyummm tengok lapisan dalam dia yang warna putih tu.

Sebijik macam rasa marshmallow!

Suku pavlova sudah selamat masuk perut.  >:)

Okay itu je.. Happy baking everyone! Adios!

So close, yet so far.

Bismillahirahmanirrahim....

Fullamak, tak tahu nak mula macam mana ni. Lama betul tak update ya. Entah ada lagi ke tak orang yang sudi baca blog ni (sila baca dengan nada sedih). Hish aku memang problematic sikit when it comes to commitment. Well, any types of commitments. If you know what I mean...... Ok whatever.

Everything goes well so far. SO FAR lah. Tengah syok cuti sem ni. Haha syok la sangat kan. Memang masa aku banyak spent dekat rumah je, BAKING. Hewhew. Ada yang menjadi, ada yang setakat elok untuk makan je. Hahah.

Dan antara yang menjadi nya......

Blueberry Cheesecake

Lasagna.

Spaghetti

Potato Wedges with homemade cheesy sauce.

Pavlova.

So inilah dia antara yang sempat buat. Hehe. Pavlova tu baru buat tadi! Kagum dengan diri sendiri. Tak sangka berjaya buat. Kehkeh. Untuk resepi Pavlova dan Cheesy Sauce tu, aku update dekat next entry kay! Doakan aku rajin lah ye. :p

Oh ye, minggu lepas sempat jalan-jalan dekat sini bersama tut tutttt. Heheh. Nampak tak kuda belakang tu? Cantik okay tempat ni! Cuba teka dekat mana? Korang mesti tak caya kalau aku cakap. Ini adalah dekat Uniten Bangi. Ya, Uniten Bangi. Sangat envy okay kenapa Uniten Muadzam tak ada macam niiii. Ada kandang kuda, swimming pool, padang golf, and their own hotel. Hish jealous jealous. Ceh padahal aku still student Uniten jugak. Ok fine, tumpang bangga lah jugak. :p

# SoRandom
Esok result keluar. Takut giler okay. Tak pernah la cuak macam ni sekali. Well I can smell something, frustrating. Hmmmmm. Takut takut takut takut takutttttttttttt

Ok bye!

Salam Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum. :)

Wow, it has been quite some times since I last log in here. Haha. Please blame my laziness and lack of ideas. Lol I really don't know what to post here. I'm thinking of posting something beneficial but at the end, here we are. Another random, un-beneficial entry, AGAIN. Wakakaa who asked you to came here by the way. I didn't. Now you have to face this. Lalala

(eh ape kau mengarut seh? -..- )

So it's the 2nd day of Ramadhan today. Me 'celebrating' the first day of ramadhan without family wuwuwuww. It was not just sad. It was painful you know. Sigh.. But it's okay anyway, I'll take that as some sort of Challenge from Allah, in Bahasa we called it Dugaan. Hee. Lagi besar dugaan, lagi besar lah ganjaran kan? Amin.. :)

Twilight on the last day of Syaaban. :')

Allah has created such a beautiful world for us to treasure. Never take for granted every little things in our life. Who knows, that little things might give such a huge impact to us in the future. Enjoy the beauty of this month for us to take one step closer to our Creator. May this Ramadhan brings us more barakah. InsyaAllah.

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Happy Ramadhan everyone. :')

Living with dreams ;)

Wishlist #6

Lavenders are just EPIC ! They are beyond awesome ! >.<

Someday, I'm gonna travel the world, and find this place. SOMEDAY =)

p/s:

Salam takde apa takde, tiba-tiba bagitahu wishlist sebelum mati. Hahaha gedik. Itew takde idea nak update lar. Nanti dah ada idea itew update yeww.. Wakakaa. Double gedik.

#Wordless Wednesday

Behind her smile, there's a story you would never

understand.

Kecomelan!

Entry ini penuh dengan kegedikan. Harap maklum.

Ahaks. Seperti yang sedia maklum, aku merupakan seorang penggemar kecomelan (ayat apekah?) Tak kisah la dalam bentuk apa pun, kalau benda tu aku rasa comel, mula lah keluar gedik2 manjeww itew seperti " anyonyoo omey nye diye~ hikss " *muntahbiru* Kadang-kadang tu, batu pun aku boleh cakap comel tau. Betul tak tipu. Kalau tipu pun sape suruh kau percaya wakakakaaa Ok tak lawak.

Sebelum terpesong lebih jauh, baik aku berterus terang je apa sebenarnya motif entry ini. Ceritanya begini, sedang aku bersendirian dalam bilik sambil pintal-pintal rambut (motif?), aku terjumpa blog sorang mamat ni. Ye, MAMAT . Gua tak kenal pun budak ni. Terjumpa je twitter dia masa gua tengah jalan2 dekat Twitter. Ala abang TwitFamous gitew. Lepastu dia ada bagi link blog. Gua pun stalk la apa lagi kahkah. Syiokk juga blog beliau. Eh tetibe ter tukar gaya bahasa.

Ok sambung. Lepastu kan, dalam 1 entry dia tu, dia cakap pasal Simsimi. Ever heard of it? Yeah me neither. Aku ingat kan game ape la, macam comel je bunyi dia. Aku pun search dekat google. Dan kemudian......ohh ya kecomelan di situ! Simsimi adalah binatang warna kuning yang bulat dan sangat comel, yang pandai me-respond kepada pertanyaan kita. Ala-ala Cleverbot jugak la. Tapi ini lebih comel. Hikhikss.

Yang warna kuning tu la dia. Hee aku yang warna kelabu tu. Kita just taip je dekat kotak bawah tu, lepastu berbual la dengan dia. Tapi kadang-kadang 'kecomelan' dia ni boleh jadi annoying jugak, sebab kadang-kadang dia boleh guna bahasa, ehem, agak kasar dan ehem, lucah. Well, yeah. Nama pun robot. Apa dia tahu. Tapi kalau korang guna ayat baik-baik, dia pun balas elok-elok la. 

Oh ye! I find this really awesome! Benda alah ni pandai cakap sarawak pulak tu ! Macam aku la ngahaha tak tipu je. Roommate aku yang ajar tulis sarawak tu. Aku takde la pro sangat pun. *mukamacho.jpg*

Cool gila dia cakap sarawak. =D

Haa siapa-siapa yang rasa macam #foreveralone tak tahu nak buat apa sorang-sorang, try la berbual dengan 'Hot Chick' ni. Hahah. Tapi ingat, jangan ketagih sangat pulak dengan benda ni, dia bukan orang eh. Karang tak pasal-pasal kau kena chop sewel pulak. Depression sangatttt

Ok itu je. Adiosss! Simsimi-channnn *mukacomel.jpg*

Have you?

Have you ever had this feeling,

Like you suddenly remembered something, or someone, or some events in the past, that brings back so much memories on you. Someone whom you try so hard to forget, but you can't, just because they gave you so much to remember.

Like, so much.

Time passes and people changed. You changed. They changed. But we all know memories won't. Maybe you have move on, or being with somebody else. But you can't deny this feeling. You can't stop yourself wondering whether they're doing fine. Just hoping that they are doing good, without you. Even you already know they are. And you can't lie when you really hope that you'll at least get slipped on their mind, even for a second.

Maybe you're the one who still stuck in the past. Maybe you haven't really moved on?

Maybe.

It's just so hard to act like you don't feel anything, when that feeling's really killing you inside. Slowly and torturing.

Have you?

p/s: Gambar gedik saje nak tambahkan unsur dramatik. Problem?

Meoww

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Will you still love me?? hewhew >.<

Eiii comel ape~~~ Ahaks

Kbye